tired body.. tired mind..

I am tired today..  Physically my body hurts.  Every possible muscle is aching.   Never knew i had this many muscles.   Its been a while since i last wrote, and since my last post, i have been training somewhat for this challenge that was ahead of me.  To make the first Namibian Inline Hockey Team.   This weekend was our first training camp.  And it mustve been one of the hardest , physicall and mentally most challenging weekends i have had in my life.   It so difficult to keep on going when your body doesnt want to go anymore.  To mentally overcome that pain. To become better than the pain.. to look past it.. and still give your best.  There is still some hard work ahead.   Alot of hard work to get to the next milestone, which is on the 22nd of December.  There will be alot of days where my body feel as tired is it does at the moment.  Where my mind.. doesnt feel strong enough to want to push my body to go on.  But.. i want this.  I want to show everyone.. that i can get this.. I want nothing more than to be part of this team.  To stand there on the rink, singing the national anthem.. and play for my country.   To show the world that we are a force to be reckoned with.

I really want this.  I want to show myself and everybody else.. that i can do it.   I dont want to be last.. i want to be first.. in everything.   I will train hard.. i will eat pain.. i will do this…

Its strange the moment one feel tired.. how things you normally handle in your stride becomes quite an obstacle.  I guess i am just irritated.   And miss gums is my biggest irritation.   I dont even know why people think she is attractive.  When she smiles.. all you can see is pick gums.  And not even that.. i think its because what i see of her..is not beauty.  What i see inside her is not beauty.  Its dark and slimey and ugly.    I am still irritated by her insecurity.  As it interferes with my life..  I cant see my best friend because she doesnt allow it.  Then i am also irritated because you dont stand up and tell her that you will see me… no matter what.   That you would rather risk loosing everything else.. than to have a fight with her.  What kind of power does she have over you…   This whole situation is messed up.  And last night in my dreams.. she was like the grim reaper.. brining death.. death over my friendship with you.       I guess i am just tired..